Journal Entry #4

Progress like movement, can be trapped by the unexpected, it can be influenced by the negative thought and impacted by external variables.

I write this because even though my intentions and ideologies and even my emotional content have been set on high, and with all the positivity in the world I still feel I am not in control of all the beautiful components of life, all the different intricacies of my very being I feel of doing that bit.

When you are a thinker like me, over analysing is a constant reality that is always taking its part, and always being the real enemy for I am capable of being relaxed, we all are, but when you, when I, have come so far, I tend to become protective of my thoughts and dreams so I do not get hurt emotionally like for my life, all until now, has certainly happened.

I tend to become protective of my thoughts and dreams so I do not get hurt emotionally like for my life, all and to now, has certainly happened.

However, there have been a very real and very satisfying area, and even areas, of improvement.

Henry David Theroux has become quite an inspiration to me. I have really been thinking about his words and his thoughts. He said to, “live in each season as it passes, breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit……” what this means is to be very present, live for now like in Buddhist teachings. I found myself taking it to the next level and really accepting and appreciating each bite of the apple and savouring all of its content, all of its worth. I’ve been thank God for this fruit and acknowledge that it is He who gave it to me.

This ofHe who gave it to me. This kind of thinking provides me with a beautiful feeling and relaxes me. Probably because it isn’t caustic or damaging, but informed my mind like a kind of remedy.

but informs my mind like a kind of remedy. Even as I write this, negative thoughts concerning my past pop into my head and give me grief. I find these thoughts to be the most damaging of all. It is usually thoughts that stem from the abuse I suffered as a child. They call abuse damage for a reason but I refused to reside to the defeatist notion that what has been done to me, has been done. As if to say that what has been done can’t be undone.

but I refused to reside to the defeatist notion that what has been done to me, has been done. As if to say that what has been done can’t be undone.

New realities get created every day and I am perpetually excited about mine and the process me always honing and refining this beautiful creation that is me.